A writing affliction is afoot. I call it Church Newsletter Syndrome (CNS). You might have it if you’re tempted to write memos that begin:

Good news! The Ladies Aid Society is excited to inform you that next week’s potluck will be better than ever! You won’t want to miss it!!

“Ah,” you say. “That’s not me. I write fiction.”

Don’t count yourself out. CNS infiltrates all types of writing. Search your stories. Are there sections like this?

Molly had waited her entire lackluster life for this moment! Everything that ever had been or ever would be important hung in the balance. Couldn’t Mrs. Martin SEE what was at STAKE!?

Quite simply, CNS is a tendency to over-promise and under-deliver. Common symptoms include a fondness for exclamation points and unsubstantiated claims. Why are these bad? Let’s review:

Exclamation points – These should denote something big, loud or awe-inspiring. They should not be used casually. (Goody! Pears for lunch!) Pretend you only have three exclamation points to use in your life. Do you want to waste one on fruit? Another problem is that exclamation points tell the reader how to feel. If your writing is strong, readers will know something is big, loud or awe-inspiring without an end-of-sentence prompt. Strangely enough, the more exclamation points you use in your copy the less important it seems.

Unsubstantiated claims – Usually, these take the form of adverbs and adjectives. (Great news … It’s so exciting … In an unprecedented announcement … ) Take out any vague modifier you’re tempted to use and replace it with information that explains why your topic is great, exciting or unprecedented. In business writing, this means carefully explaining the benefits of a new computer system so employees naturally think, “Wow! This system is better than our old one.”

Letting people come to conclusions themselves based on the facts you’ve presented, is much more effective than writing something like, “Company XYZ introduced an innovative computer system today with exemplary, user-friendly features.” This often prompts readers to think, “Oh, yeah? Says who?”

In fiction, that means trusting your characters’ actions to speak for themselves. Put Molly in a situation that shows what she’s waiting for and what’s at stake. If she says, “Touch my trombone and die, dirtbag.” readers will know she’s not pleased. There’s no need to use an exclamation point or add a sentence saying, “Molly was really very mad.”

Other signs of CNS include anything that contributes to an air of unwarranted excitement. Such as:

 • Capitalizing random words for emphasis. (We didn’t say ANYTHING.)

• Putting “air quotes” around words that aren’t a quotation. (Survey data is starting to “trickle in.”)

 • Bolding words when there’s no good reason. (Skippy juggled and made balloon animals.)

Perhaps the best way to determine if you suffer from CNS is to ask someone who isn’t invested in your topic or scene if they think it’s as important as you do.

They won’t, but don’t take it personally.

Most parishioners aren’t excited by potluck changes. Many employees are annoyed by new computer systems. And some readers consider a character’s unspecified angst to be evidence of another writing disorder – Too Much Drama (TMD).

The best you can do is set your scene or share your update simply and clearly using the facts at your disposal. Then step away from the page, and let your readers draw their own conclusions.